My Brain's a Firehose: How Verbal Vomit Makes Me a Better Communicator

For years, I wrestled with a secret shame:

I believed I was a terrible communicator.

Ironic, right? Especially considering my business has thrived almost entirely on the strength of my communication skills. People often ask me, "How did you learn to say what you’re thinking so effectively?" The truth is, it wasn't some magic formula or innate talent. It was practice (and in the case of social media, editing!). Plus, a whole lot of self-acceptance.

You see, I'm an external processor. My brain is a whirlwind of thoughts, ideas, and connections that constantly need an outlet. I'm the person who "thinks out loud," much to the chagrin of those who prefer concise, perfectly packaged statements. I used to envy those who could sit quietly, sift through their mental clutter, and then effortlessly deliver their thoughts with laser precision.

But here's the thing I've learned: that seemingly effortless conciseness is often a practiced skill, not a magical gift. It's the result of a process – a process that, for many of us, especially non-linear thinkers, involves an initial explosion of ideas. We need to verbally vomit, scribble furiously, or sketch wildly before we can arrive at the core of what we want to say.

Think of it as a two-step dance: divergence and convergence. First, we diverge, expanding our thoughts outward, exploring every nook and cranny, letting our minds wander and connect. Then, we converge, bringing those scattered fragments together, refining them, and shaping them into a clear and concise message.

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Why do so many of us struggle with this?

In my experience, it's because we've been cut off at the pass. We've been told to "get to the point," to "stop rambling," to "be quiet." We’ve been told we’re overwhelming, too much, or needy. Our natural tendency to explore and expand has been stifled, leaving us feeling like we're somehow "wrong" for taking up the space we require.

Maybe our pens couldn't keep up with our racing thoughts, or we didn't have the luxury of computers to capture our ideas. Perhaps our attempts to express ourselves were met with impatience or disinterest, teaching us to suppress our natural process. Whatever the reason, many of us have internalized the message that our verbose, exploratory nature is a liability, not a strength.

My breakthrough came when I finally learned to accept my need to expand.

I gave myself permission to "brain dump" – to let my thoughts flow freely without judgment or self-editing. Whether it was through writing, talking to a trusted friend, or simply thinking out loud, I allowed myself to fully explore the messy, chaotic landscape of my mind.

And something amazing happened.

The more I allowed myself to diverge, the better I became at converging.

Once I had all my thoughts laid out in front of me, I could see the patterns, the connections, the core message waiting to be unearthed. It was like clearing a cluttered room – only by first pulling everything out could I begin to organize and find what I was looking for.

By embracing my verbose nature, I learned to increase the velocity between divergence and convergence. I became more efficient at sifting through the noise and arriving at the essence of my message. But none of this would have been possible without first accepting my need to explore, to expand, to take up space.

So, what can you do if you resonate with this struggle?

1. Embrace your inner chaos. Give yourself permission to think out loud, write freely, or express yourself in whatever way feels natural. Practice titrating the urge or compulsion to censor yourself. This will require some discomfort tolerance and self-manangement.
2. Find your preferred medium for expansion. Experiment with different ways of externalizing your thoughts. Journaling, mind mapping, voice recording, or even talking to a patient friend can all be valuable tools. At first, it may be something you do with yourself where you verbally explode in a voice message to self. Later, it might be with another person. You can also tell them you’re working on this skill and tell them what you need to feel safe (eg. no interruptions).
3. Practice the art of convergence. Once you've allowed yourself to fully explore, take the time to sift through your thoughts, identify the key takeaways, and craft a clear and concise message.
4. Hop on my calendar. Easier read than done? This is exactly the support I give to my clients because I know what you need — I need it too! Not only do you get this support from me, but we give it to each other and ultimately learn to give it to ourselves. Grab a free chat here.

So, go forth, my fellow verbose friends! Embrace the glorious mess of your mind, unleash your inner chatterbox, and let your thoughts splatter across the page (or the ears of your very patient cat). The world needs your unique brand of beautiful chaos. After all, who needs perfectly packaged thoughts when you can have a fireworks display of ideas?